The truth is in the details

The moment I became a father, I asked myself, among many other things, how I wanted my children to address me.

The norm is to decide nothing, it is already set in stone, they should call me "daddy".

But why should they call me "daddy" if that is not my name? My mother calls me by my name, my friends call me by my name, my partner calls me by my name, my grandparents… everyone calls me by my name… except my children?

If you think about it, my children will call me "daddy" their whole lives simply because during the first year or so it was too difficult for them to say my name. For the rest of their lives, they will say my name as easily as they say "daddy".

I know it may seem like a somewhat silly reflection and indeed it is, that being called one way or another doesn’t change anything. I simply like to find some logic in things and reason them out and in this particular case I do not see the logic.

It is clear that in all cultures simple words are usually used to name the closest family members… grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, daddy, mommy, mum, dad… but just because everyone does it is not a sufficient reason to do so.

I call my parents "daddy" and "mommy" because that is what I was taught and now it would be too late and too odd to change it, but I was clear that I wanted my children to call me by my name. My partner is called "mommy" because she prefers it; it is her free choice; it is not about imposing my view on the family.

Many times, when someone hears that my children call me by my name, they think I am not a real father; in fact, that does not worry me… as long as I know it. What I find more unfair, though it does not really bother me, is the idea that they call me by my name because I want to be a cool dad, I want to be a friend.

I am not a friend to my children; I am their father and when I have to scold them I do, and if I have to raise my voice I do so, and if I have to teach them a lesson I do.

It seems that in the late ’70s, a hippie trend made it fashionable for children to call their father by his first name because it was considered cooler, more friendly… that is not my case.

In fact, once someone was offended by hearing that I was called by my first name… I asked them why it bothered them and they said I should be called "daddy" because it has always been done and it is the norm…

For me, that is not a convincing reason to do something just because it has always been done, even though I know I do many things simply because they have always been done and I never stopped to think about them… but look, I have really thought about this one.

In fact, if you notice, no one ever says "daddy" when talking about their father, at least not in our household, among people who are not immediate family; therefore "daddy" remains confined to an intimate circle, the circle where we learned to speak and where it was easier to say "daddy" than "Gaby", when we did not know much yet.

I want them to call me by my name for one simple reason… because it is my name.

Of course, I won’t force them to do so, obviously…